Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
