at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize