All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
