You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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