And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
