Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
