You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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