Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
