We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
