Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
