We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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