Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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