Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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