That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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