I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
