you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
