what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
