i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize