Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
