i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize