I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
