She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
