i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
