i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
