My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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