I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Oh god it's open bar.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize