Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
