I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
