I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
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