so explain again why im purple
no
only if we run a train.
done.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
