Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
