UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
