After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize