just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
