In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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