her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
