i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
