i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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