This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
