I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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