I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
