yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
