Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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