It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
