so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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