when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
