the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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