I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
