It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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