I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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