cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
