I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
