So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
