I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
