I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
