I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
