Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
