Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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