from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
