so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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