My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
