I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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