im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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