My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
