clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
