There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
