I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
