If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
