I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
