She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
