I think i sorta joined a cult last night
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize