you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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