OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
